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Friday, July 18, 2003

10:56PM - Hey!!!

Hey everyone. How is everyone? i am doing well. I am still living at petes house but i am on a search to find an apartment. I am going to look tomorrow. The thing that sucks is that i cant go to college for another year, who knows maybe longer, nah about a year, which sucks. I am doing well though. I miss everyone and you are all going away to college soon and i am not going to see you that much, i will miss you all very much. Dalila you CANT go away..... i am sad.. ok but i am going to go and i will talk to you guys soon. good night. have a good weekend. Selects we have to have a sleep over. at my place when i get one.. ok? ok. we can order pizza and stuff. love ya. megan can bring baby cole... aww bye guys cant wait to see everyone..

Laura

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Thursday, June 19, 2003

12:46AM - Life is so confusing, but it will all get better in time, just takes time.

Hey everybody, i havent written in here in a long time. Feels kinda wierd to write in here again. But anyways, how is everyone doing??? i hope that everyone is doing okay.... a lot has been going on in my little world. If anyone needs me you can call me at petes, you probally dont know the number, but i am going to call dalila tomorrow and tell her, i am staying here for awhile, and then going to get an apartment, hopefully!!! long story, i wil tell ya all later.. but i gotta run for now, but maybe i will write in here tomorrow. Okay, i love you all, have a good night, and a good week...

Happy graduation....

Congratualtions everyone, we made it, good job to all of you...
Im proud..

Kristina, i am DEF. coming to your party... i left your invitation at my house and cant go back and get it, i cant remember your phone number to tell you, but i will get it from dalila, and call you soon!!! okay see ya all this weekend..

~Lava~

Current mood: okay
Current music: life as a house...
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Monday, May 5, 2003

8:23AM - If you dont read, i dont care. i just had to write

Peter this one is for you, whether you read it or not, i dont care, i just have to write everything in a random order... You hurt me soo much, its indescribable. If you come to your senses and do want to go back out with me, i dont know if i can let myself do that, say yes do you. You say the meanest things and of coasre i forgive you, and the reason that i forgeive you is bc i love you soo much. I cant even express how much i love you. I am in the library and i am trying so hard not to cry, but i CANT. i cried all night. ALL morning, and in school, the tears just keep comeing out. I just have a feeling that we are done, maybe not forever, but for awhile. Why do i always forgive you when you are mean to me and say the mean things that you say. The thing that you said to me on saturday were the words that hurt me the most. I cant believe that they came out of your mouth. That disappointed me the most. The ONE person that i thought, that the only person i told, wouldnt say ANYTHING like that. bc it is a BIG deal, and that tore out my heart. Last night was the last bit of my heart that you torn out. I dont have any heart left...

I just dont know what to do or what to say. I want to be with you so bad, but if you dont feel the same then what the hell can i do but to be sad and cry. I can sit there on the phone whether we are together or not and talk for hours and hours about what i like, what i want to be, how my day was, how much i love you, and all you do is say yea whatever... why do you have to be such a dick...

What happened to the pete that i knew four months ago. The pete that actually took time to make sure that i knew that you cared. The person that i read in the cards that you gave me??? why did you change so much??? Why cant things just be fine?? why cant you love me???? There are so many questions that i can ask but it is just a waste of time bc you dont care. You dont care about a lot of things, like me and my feelings but then you can care soo mcuh about seeing your friends and your homework, and your car. But to me the person that you love you should at least take SOME time and tell her that and make sure that she knows, but you just dont give a shit about that.

You rather sit on your fucking ass and watch tv then call me or try to come over, just to make everything ok. Why is it so hard to make a phone card when it mean the most.

You dont appreciate me at all, or respect anything that i have to say. Why do you think that i deserve this??? BECAUSE I DONT DESERVE ANY OF THIS. i dont deserve to be treated the way that you are treating me. Why is it so hard for you to be nice. Why do you have to be soo stubborn.???

Do me.. if two people love eachother then they would try EVERYTHING in the world to be together... I am trying here bc i am so in love with you, but i cant do all of the work, so i am assuming that you dont love me anymore, and that is tiring me down each and every day..... i dont know where to go , which way to turn.... i wish that i knew..

I try so hard to make YOU happy, to make you smile.. but it never works, so i am just tired of trying so hard and then getting let down. You let me down so much. The peter that i know is kind, and not as stubborn, and cared about my feelings and would make alittle effort. Would take just 5 minutes out of his day to show me that he cares... That person is gone...

My feeling are gone and dead...

Current mood: tear
Current music: All by myself
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Friday, May 2, 2003

8:10AM - Never have anything to say

Its friday, i have so much school work to do and hand in today. Why do i always wait till the last minute??? nobody knows... well i have BIG plans tonight. They are totally awesome. So do you want to hear them....i am going to do
NOTHING.. i am going to sit on my lazy ass and do nothing, I am sure that i will find something to do but my life is sooo boring... i never have anything to say or write bc i am the boringest person a live. But yea i am going to go for now, i am glad that they brought this back even though really i only have 2 days of school left. One not couting today.. sad..

Current mood: happy
Current music: New Found Glory
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Wednesday, April 30, 2003

8:23AM - ITS BACK

Yesss..... i cant believe that they unblocked this. I was thinking this morning that i will go and try to see if they did, and i really didnt think that they would. Well anyways, i havent written in here in soooooo long. I miss this thing. It is wednesday but it drf. feels like a monday. I saw megan yesturday, awww she is soooo cute. Its almost may and i am very excited for prom. i was just thinking about it, and i cant wait.

I have nothing to really write about, nothing that would interest any of you. I havent really done anything in a while, just the normal stuff, which is nothing. Aw me and heather are wearing skirts today, how cute.......

Dalila, Kristina and i went to visit their colleges, man getting there was not good. We got sooooo lost, but it was fun, i was soo tired later though. The weekend was ok i worked like usual, but it was ok......

Man i have nothing to say but that i am happy that this isnt blocked anymore....

I have nothing to do today but wear the cute outfit that i am wearing today, i think that itis soooo cute.... back in school is not fun, but i giess it gives me something to do.

But im going to go and look up a few things, i will see you all later.. bye

Peter.. I love You

Current mood: Cute
Current music: Bright eyes.....
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Wednesday, April 16, 2003

9:57AM - You say you want to talk about it but YET you dont try...

I am SOOO glad that i am going home early today, i dont have to see people that i dont want to see or people that i am going to flip shit to. i am soo mad at the moment. OK DALILA i will use your name now, who the hell gives you the right to give shirk a note that was DIRECTED towards you????? its is none of HER business or ANYONE elses business for that matter, that was soo rude and unbelievable.... You said that i ignored you, hmm how can you ignore someone one, when 1.you didnt say ANYTHING to me for me to ignore you, and 2. i barely saw you in that class. Hmmm. i believe that you ignore me EVERYDAY in 2nd period..... YEA.... and wait.. i think that you forgot something... last week you were a MAJOR bitch to me, because i was being nice and gave mike a ride home, he asked me..... that gives you a reason to be a bitch to me, and i remember that you IGNORED ME and after class didnt even bother to wait for me... hmmm.. yea... you is the one doing the ignoring, not me.. sorry...

So tell me one thing, is it ok for you to be a bitch to me? is it ok for you to hurt my feelings? is it ok for you to ignore me?

That answer is yes.. it is ok for you to do all of that stuff bc you do it EVERYDAY and then when i am sick if it, and i am mad about it, i am the one that is being a bitch...

Oh no i hurt dalilas feelings... but she hurt mine.. but nobody cares.... dalila is hurt and that is what is important, not that i am hurt or anything....

...................................................................................

So why dont you tell me that you want to talk about it, and not write on lj and then when i do write you a note, telling you how i feel, istead of saying it out loud so nobody can hear... bc it is none of their business... BUT WAIT!!! the 2nd pd people do know bc someone thought that it was ok for them to read it.... hmmmmm, frankly, just to let you know, it isnt there business.........

Hey ya know where this is going to lead????
absolutly no where..
i am the bad one, i am the bitch.... it is going to go up my fucking ass, and my feeling are going to get hurt everyday because you are going to hurt them by making fun of me, you make fun if me but by making it as a joke.. and all i do is laugh but really i am hurting inside, and now i am tired of laughing and letting things go when someone makes funny of me but ina joking way, and someone being a bitch to me...

Why do i let it happen???
Because i do care, and i want us to be friends, even if my heart is hurtung when we are in class together.......

So everyone, i am just going to let it go, and let her be a bitch to me... because that way everyone was happy but me, but the point is that everyone was happy, and that is what matters....

So go ahead dalila nad let it go bc you and i both know that this isnt going to go anywhere, and you arent going to say anything about it, and you can go and talk bad about me all you want about this whole thing, and say that you were right and i was wrong, i was the one that did bad and you of coarse didnt do anything wrong. bc that is the way that it is going to end...

Everyone just see from dalilas side, seeing that i am mad about it. But ya know what, none of you know how i feel about it, and none of you are trying to see it from my side, you just see it from dalilas side, bc hey you think how can dalila be a bitch, its dalila??? well i used to think that same thing until, she got alittle older and became mean to me.... maybe if this happens to any of you, you will know what i am talking about, and then you will know how i feel at the moment, and why i am soo mad about the whole thing, but until then, just say that i am the bad guy and that i am wrong and that i shouldnt be mad or hurt or anything.....

Sorry but i cant help tje way i feel, i cant pretend that it is ok anymore... it has to stop.... i dont want to be hurt from a friend anymore...

I want to be happy.....

I want to smile when i am with her in school, and not smile just because i want to be happy. Out of school, we are fine..... but how many times do we hang out??? and when i ask her to hang out, or we should do something, she just looks at me and tries to sound like she means it when she says yes... but that again hurts too, bc i know that she doesnt want to, and dalila that is why i said that it seems that i am not good enough for you.... and another examlple, why i said that is, in 2nd period, you dont acknolegde that i am even there, or that i even exists. That makes me sad, bc how do you do that to someone, but when they are in a different crowed of people, that is when you can talk to them..... i guess i am not cool enough for you and 2nd period, but i am cool enough for you in tv production...

I am done with writing and feeling sad about this whole thing bc it doesnt matter what i say to anyone anyways...

The bell is going to ring, i have to go..... i feel bad for not going to keenans class today but i felt like i couldnt.... especially when i say you down the hall, looking mad and talking to people about me, being cool..'

I felt that i should come here and write.. and that is what i did..

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: bright eyes.. they are the best.,... thank you mike finn
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8:48AM

why am i ALWAYS the bad guy??? its like when everyone else's feeling get hurt it is ok. but then when my feelings get hurt, and i am mad about it, i am the bad guy and hurt someone else fellings. But who cares about mine??? in the end no ones, they care about the ones who h urt mine. Its like this person can be mean to me but yet i cant be mean back bc then i am the bad one, hmmm... does that make sense to anyone??? not me..

But the bell rang.. got to go...

Fuck this

Current mood: PISSED
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Tuesday, April 15, 2003

1:23PM - Blah..

I am in english class and yes i should be doing work but no of coarse not, i rather be pissed off and do nothing. Its funny sometimes how people act like they care one day but the next day they are just a bitch to you.

I cant take it anymore.. i am just not going to talk to someone anymore.. well i prob will bc i cant help it but i dont really want to... well i guess that i want to but this person makes me soo mad sometimes. I realized today that this person has NOTHING to say to me all day, NOTHING. i have a couple classes with this person but i NEVER talk to that person but in ONE class, why does that person talk to me in that class and not the other... hmmmmm..... am i not "good" enough for that person????.. whatever, i think that i am done trying to be nice, hold back what i really want to say to this person... it is just funny, i know that i shouldnt be mad about this but i am.... this person will write stuff on other peoples lj's but not mine.... but whatever i guess that it doesnt matter

People suck, and i shouldnt let them get to me bc i know that i am never really going to see them anymore, even if i want to see them, they wont want to see me.......

I was thinking today that i want to get out of here soooo bad.. but i am going to miss people. People say ohhh def. we are def. going to keep in touch but how many of them are you going to keep on talking to?? Like am i still going to see heather rims??? i HAVE to see her, she is like the best person on earth, she is soo understanding and NOT cought up in herself... Am i going to see ali anymore?? she is awesome and i dont want to not see her anymore. Or Kristina???? Megan??? Amy??? The list goes on and on....

I am just in a blah mood, i am just soo mad this week, i am tired of people having nothing to say to you and they are your "good friend" i dont even think that i am good friends with this person anymore...... but whatever, obviously she doesnt care so niether do i, she rather talk about one.... and two.. which again i am not going to say which i want to..

But i am out to see if heather can play this game

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11:53AM - Nobody really care... feelings are hurt...

Thanks MEGAN AND AMY at least i know that you care.. see ya soon.. bye

Current mood: Hurt..
Current music: hmm. let me see, am i even singing a song today??
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10:38AM - hmmm......

There are like 9 to 10 days left of school, can i take it??? can i take the people that are here?? i dont know..... hmmm, i guess that i have to think about all of that.... tomorrow should be a half of day,i think that i am going to make it a half day.. i dont know,i am soo annoyed at the moment...but umm yea bye

Current mood: annoyed
Current music: my name is cliff, brother of joe....
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8:36AM - The cute one.. Me.. hahaha i am just kidding

This one is soooo cute, and i am glad that megan is ok.... i was getting worried, if she didnt come to schook today then i was going to call her and ask her....... ko so we have like 11 days left of school, something like that. i am def. counting down the days... well i hope that the day is good and good for you too, bye

***Smiles***

Current mood: artistic
Current music: hoes, take off your clothes, hoes, get naked
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Monday, April 14, 2003

2:27PM - ..... i dont know......

Can someone tell me why the hell do i write in here? I mean, noblody reads it, or maybe nobody cares what i have to say ever.... I never have comments, and i know that that isnt the main point, but it is nice to know that people read and care what i have to say but then again i am guessing that NOBODY CARES, and i am tired of caring when people act like they dont care for me. Why do i care soo much about people?? i mean i just want to say soo many things but i hold myself back bc then i will be the bad guy. I only feel like a handful of people care for me. Care what i have to say and everything, and not be mean to me for no reason.... I know that pete cares about me but i wish that he would just show it more, i dont know, i shouldnt be writting this but i want to, and i think that i am just going to say what i want to say and not hold ANYTHING back, i am not going to care if i hurt peoples feeling bc obviously those people dont care if they hurt my feeling bc they do it all THE TIME. i am just not going to give a shit about those people, or try to hang out with them or maybe just one person.... oh well, i will get over that they dont care, who are my friends??? who really understand me??? i ask myself that ? all the time. Heather is singing to me or just singing to herself but it is cute and funny, i love heather she is the best.. we are going to get married.....you aLL should come to our wedding it is going to kick ass, bc me and heather kick MAJOR ass...... Did you all know that heather is the NEXT ROCK STAR.. yuuuoppppppp heather RIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! hahahahah. Please all come to our wedding and we are going to be rich bc of heathers sucess, and YES i dont have to work anymore..... HAHAHAHA, heather is going to buy me the world, hehehe hahahahaha.......... and yes, we are going to have major sex, hahaha not not not just kiddong,OR AM I???? hshahahaha, See ya all in the funny papers, funny!!!!!

The bell is going to ring and heather is touching my leg, ooooo

I love heather rims.

***Smiles***

Current mood: sad
Current music: Hoes, take off your clothes, hoes, get naked!!!
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2:13PM - ..... i dont know......

Can someone tell me why the hell do i write in here? I mean, noblody reads it, or maybe nobody cares what i have to say ever.... I never have comments, and i know that that isnt the main point, but it is nice to know that people read and care what i have to say but then again i am guessing that NOBODY CARES, and i am tired of caring when people act like they dont care for me. Why do i care soo much about people?? i mean i just want to say soo many things but i hold myself back bc then i will be the bad guy. I only feel like a handful of people care for me. Care what i have to say and everything, and not be mean to me for no reason.... I know that pete cares about me but i wish that he would just show it more, i dont know, i shouldnt be writting this but i want to, and i think that i am just going to say what i want to say and not hold ANYTHING back, i am not going to care if i hurt peoples feeling bc obviously those people dont care if they hurt my feeling bc they do it all THE TIME. i am just not going to give a shit about those people, or try to hang out with them or maybe just one person.... oh well, i will get over that they dont care, who are my friends??? who really understand me??? i ask myself that ? all the time. Heather is singing to me or just singing to herself but it is cute and funny, i love heather she is the best.. we are going to get married.....you aLL should come to our wedding it is going to kick ass, bc me and heather kick MAJOR ass...... Did you all know that heather is the NECT ROCK STAR.. yuuuoppppppp heather RIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! hahahahah. Please all come to our wedding and we are going to be rich bc of heathers sucess, and YES i dont have to work anymore..... HAHAHAHA, heather is going to buy me the world, hehehe hahahahaha.......... and yes, we are going to have major sex, hahaha not not not just kiddong,OR AM I???? hshahahaha, See ya all in the funny papers, funny!!!!!

The bell is going to ring and heather is touching my leg, ooooo

I love heather rims.

***Smiles***

Current mood: sad
Current music: Hoes, take off your clothes, hoes, get naked!!!
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11:46AM - Song for pete....

Yours


You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

Tender love's what you're giving me and
You surpass all my fantasies and
I keep thanking the Lord above for
Blessing me with oh so much

Cause I know how it feels to be
part of you boy
Everyday of my life's so abundant
With joy
And I honestly never thought love
could be real
until the angels guided you to me

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

Lying with you so natural
I never knew this was possible
And it finally feels like my life has begun
now that I can share it with someone

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

Baby our love will always persevere
Anything you ever need,
You know I'll be right here and
You don't have to worry boy
I won't betray your trust
Because I'm so much in love
Every time your lips meet mine
It still feels like the first time
And if you lost everything
I'd keep on standing by your side
And boy it seems like everyday
I fall deeper in love
Because I can't get enough

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

Yours
Yours
Yours
Yours
Everything that you do's so amazing
Everything that you do's so amazing
Everything that you do's so amazing
Everything that you do's so amazing to me
Boy

You brighten up the moon and stars at night
You keep me seeing rainbows in the sky
You bring new meaning to my life, now
I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours, yours

(Baby I believe in miracles because I'm baby I'm forever yours. I believe in miracles baby I'm forever yours)

Current mood: good
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11:42AM - The best song ever...

I Will Always Love You
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way

Chorus:

I will always love you
I will always love you

Bitter sweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you need


Chorus

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love


Chorus

That is the best song ever.. i am in love with that song... i just think that it is sooooo pretty....

Current mood: good
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10:42AM - cramps cramps cramps.... thats all i have to say...

The great Monday...NOT. well actually my monday isnt going to bad besides the damn cramps and i have to go to work. I cant wait til friday, well only if i can get off work, which i am keeping my fingers crossed, i really want to go to the baltimore aquarium and i am hoping that i go. Please someone work for me. I REALLY want to go.....that would make me VERY VERY VERY VERY happy........... i know that i will go.... i hope that this week goes by fast besides thursday and friday. especially friday but only if i am not working, i have nothing else to write so i am going to go. bye

Pete i hope that you have a good day.. i miss you (even though i saw you all weekend..hahahah) hope i see you after work.. i love you

***Smiles***

Current mood: grumpy
Current music: bangbangbang
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Friday, April 11, 2003

1:36PM - Tomorrow will be a great day, one bc 19m, and 2 bc i wont be in school to hear people talk ........

Tomorrow is pete and i's 19 months, yeaaaa, i am excited!!!!
I am also excited because i dont have to listen to those damn girs in the bathroom, hahahhahaha right heather, and i dont have to hear people talk about nothing but themselves or talk about stuff that really doesnt matter

sorry guys i am in a bad mood, nothing towards anybody

Schmegan thanks for that card, hahahaha its funny bc it was a thanks you card and i am saying thanks, hahaha, i love you guys...... Schmeg dont you say anything... hahahahaaaa love ya schmeg

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: bangbangbang
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1:31PM - Tomorrow will be a great day, one bc 19m, and 2 bc i wont be in school to hear people talk ........

Tomorrow is pete and i's 19 months, yeaaaa, i am excited!!!!
I am also excited people i dont have to listen to those damn girs in the bathroom, hahahhahaha right heather, and i dont have to hear people talk about nothing but themselves or talk about stuff that really doesnt matter

sorry guys i am in a bad mood, nothing towards anybody

Schmegan thanks for that card, hahahaha its funny bc it was a thanks you card and i am saying thanks, hahaha, i love you guys...... Schmeg dont you say anything... hahahahaaaa love ya schmeg

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: bangbangbang
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1:10PM - What the fuck does the word friend mean????

I am in english class and we are at the computer lab so i decided to write in here bc i have something to write about and i think that i should write it in here. OK so this person who is supposed to be my friend, has been mean to me lately, and i didnt do anything, i mean this friend has just been a bitch to me. It has been bothering me for some time now, but of coarse i just let everything go. I try to understand this friend but i cant and that makes me sad. I want to tell this friend that the friend is being a bitch but how? how do you tell somebody that? everytime i say that we should do something, that person just goes, oh yea, maybe....(in a voice that is like umm.. yea.. why would i want to hang out with you) but whatever, maybe i just shouldnt care bc it seems like the person doesnt gives a shit about me. she tells me that she does but it is just bullshit, i think that the person doesnt really care about anything but what she wants to care about and right now i can think of two things, which i am not going to name bc i think that that would be mean for me to say. Which i dont even really want to say anything, and i know that i am going to regret writing this, bc anytime i say something, it always turns out that i am the bad guy, which i am not. I just wish that this person can not just care about those two things and care about other things, like hurting other peoples feelings, especially when they are supossed to be your friend. What is the definition of friend again??? i kinda forgot.

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: bangbangbang
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8:18AM - Good days and bad days, why cant there be more good days???

Ok so my week went great. Now its friday and it sucks. I wake up early today but yet i still am late. On the way out to my car i notice that my idiot mom, ruined my yellow hoodie and is not wearably bc it is all stained. Then i drop my purse in the freakin mut, how disgusting is that, so i run in my house get another purse and run to the car, I am in the car and i realize that i am still wearing the not wearable hoodie, so i look in the back, and LLLAAAAAA there is a hoddie back there, so i decided just to wear that bc it would def. be better than wearing the smock. So anyways it might not sound that bad to you but it was, oh it def. was. So anyways i am now in study hall and i have to go and look up information on t.s.eliot , for a project that me and heather are doing, we are almost done but we have to get the quotes, and i STILL have to do my english project, which i will hand in today, i am going to do it 10th period. Well anyways that is my day, or my day so far, and it prob. will get worse, bc usually when you have a bad morning you have a bad day. Bye

***Smiles***

Current mood: bitchy
Current music: everything will get better in time
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